April Update

Cullen said the cutest or sweetest thing to me last Friday. We were talking about a new teacher at his school and I asked him if he thought she was pretty. He said "A little pretty." That puzzled me so I asked, "Why a little?" His response, "She is not pretty like you are." Okay the moment of truth and I had to ask, "What does that mean Cullen?" He said," You are all pretty Mommy." Well there is my Mother's Day present early. He thinks I am all pretty and the cute girl in college that was subbing that day was a little pretty. Yay for little boys who think their Mommy's are pretty!
My playroom is now organized and the boys are enjoying using their toy bins. The room looks so nice and tidy everyday. Love it! Now if I could find a way to keep the laundry under control. I hate hate hate putting away the clothes and yet if I don't they just sit there. My beloved says he doesn't know where to put the clothes. Ignorance is the excuse for a million men across the world for helping out with household chores. Matt cooks so I will give him credit for that.
Ha! This is cool to me. I actually cut my own hair. It looks cute! I did not butcher myself and that is an accomplishment being that most hair dressers do screw up on my head... don't know why but they do. Anyway yay for taking my hair cutting skills to myself. I do cut the boys and Matt's hair but was always afraid to do my own. Well budgeting took the fear away and there you have it.
Let's see. I am back on Weight Watchers for the last week and a half and am doing a fair job on it. Takes a bit to get used to the journaling and counting and planning but now I feel good about it. Next step is to figure out when to work out and start sweating some weight off! Funny how I just ignored the slow creeping of weight until my clothes started to really hurt they were getting so tight. I think I just refused to really look at myself. Oh well this is life for me.
The boys keep getting bigger and I am so proud of them. Cullen and Bennett are both so smart and playful. Cullen gets shy at school sometimes but warms up pretty quickly. Bennett is ready to go back to school now too but we are waiting for the big job offer to finally hit before we do that. Just can't break the bank while living with one income. Anyway that is all for now. I will try to remember to blog at home so I can post some pictures here and there and look for a new blog do... get tired of the basic stuff that comes with the site.

April Fools Day

I was halfway to work this morning when I noticed I was wearing my shirt inside out. I had to "adjust" in the parking lot of Cullen's school. Bending down in between the car seats so I could not be seen I thought this is funny. Cullen paid no attention to his mommy disrobing either. Like this is normal. Ha!
I was running late this morning and opted to treat us to McDonald's. Coffee for me, chocolate milk for Cullen, a win-win situation. I decided to go with a nice chicken biscuit and got a plain one for Cullen. Off to work we went. I get here and think that maybe it is time to go back to WW land and start counting my points before I gain all the weight back that I worked so hard to lose. (sigh)
My breakfast knocked out 11 points. Well Hell. Fine time to start counting again right? So my glass of wine (or two) after dinner tonight will no longer be on the menu. I don't have the points left. What puzzles me the most about me is that I know if I count the dang points I will lose weight. If I don't, I won't. If I let loose but continue working out I can maintain but if I stop working out I gain. These all make perfect sense... so why do I give up on me or better yet self sabotage?
I know I am under a good deal of stress what with the single income family of four with the mortgage payment meant for a 2 person income... or one really nice income which I do not have. I also know that eating is a way to physically alter how I am feeling. Weird sounding but hear me out. When I eat the feeling of eating and becoming full replaces the feelings of stress and whatever else I am feeling. So apparently I am not in touch with my feelings but am totally in touch with my gut. Bleck.
I refuse to go to the book stores and start strolling down the self help aisle to pick up the latest version of, "Compulsive Eating No More!" I won't be ordering that off of Amazon.com either. I have no urge for my recommendations on the website to be all about over eating and self help dieting...
So without using any self help books or Oprah reruns I have decided to get my life in gear this Spring. I started with getting my home cleaned out and organized. I started with the playroom because well that is where the boys spend most of their time and it also is where the puppies area is as well. All sorts of ways to make a house yucky all in one place. First I ripped out the old carpet and that was quite enjoyable all in itself. I think it was therapy. I was thinking of doing a stain on the concrete but there were too many cracks and bright green paint in spots (don't ask). So I went with vinyl flooring. Those squares you peel the back off and put down. Really love the look of it to be honest especially for the cost. I will post a pick of it soon. We got some shelves and bins and voila! Our kids are actually picking up their toys. They like having a special bin just for the cars, another for the trains, tracks, etc...
So our home is clean, our laundry is under control. Hurrah! I really think how you keep your home is a direct expression of who you are. I want to be organized and warm. That is what I want to be. Now that my home is coming together and I am going to start tackling my yard I think I can start handling my eating once more... It is like I allowed the entire world to overwhelm me in all areas of my life and I am slowly taking it all back. I really do want to live a happy well balanced life and that means I have to make it happen. God gave me everything I need to make it happen and now I just have to do it. So if you are in my neighborhood feel free to drop by anytime, I am totally comfortable with you in my house. No shame! ha ha ha!!!
So to recap: Hello my name is Taylor and I am a crazed eating machine - BUT am in recovery - AND am learning to be organized and not overwhelmed but my household responsibilities. Can I hear a "Tawanda!"

Happiness

Cullen is back in the swing of things with school. He started at Bright Horizons this past Monday and is loving it for the most part. There are of course moments where he thinks it would be more fun to stay home with his Daddy and Bennett but he seems content to play with his new friends. I hope he is able to push through this new found shyness of his too. I was shy at that age. Painfully shy actually. I would hate for my children to feel that way!

But this is life and they are their own people that I am lucky they are my sons. Bennett wanted to go to school this morning too with us. I really hope Matt finds a job soon and they can both get settled back into the routine of school life. I find I am more on top of things when I have to take the boys to school. Their clothes are planned out and I would just die if they left the house dirty or with their hair out of place. When they are home with Matt those things are not really in my control and the boys tend to hang out in whatever Matt grabs which usually consists of t-shirts and sweatpants. This is fine for around the house I guess but I like the boys to be dressed and cute... a perk of motherhood I guess.

This is going to be a BEAUTIFUL weekend and I cannot wait to get out in it! Sunshine and playing outside with the boys is exactly what I need. Mother Nature seriously owes us some great weather and I am glad pay back is taking place on the weekend. I have no problem if the weather is crappy Monday through Friday as I am stuck here in my little cubicle with no sight of the outside world.

My best friend Erin got married last weekend and now my other best friend/cousin is engaged! This is simply a great time in life. People are getting married and friends are having babies... this is what life is about to me. Yay for love and family! Ok must "work" now.

Funerals and Babies

I am at a loss. Matt's grandmother passed away this weekend and tonight is the visitation. I hate visitations. I feel it is so disrespectful to socialize around the body of your loved one. When I die and leave this Earth I really hope people respect my wishes about my funeral and visitation. There will be no viewing of my dead body ravaged by age and maybe disease. No way Jose. What I want is a lovely picture of me in my prime displayed and yes people may gather and laugh and long lost relatives may reunite because of my death. So be it. The difference is that my dead body will not be in the room on display.
I do not want my boys to go to the visitation becuase I feel they are too young to be there. They knew Memaw but are not mourning her passing. They are too young and were not that close to her. The boys being there would be for the comfort of others and I am simply not comfortable with that. This is a two and a half hour visitation. Anything that length of time is simply TOO long for children their age. I would not take them to a church service that long either. I also do not want them to see Memaw like that. Let me be clear. She is not in her body any longer and I do not want my babies to associate what is left behind as her. She is in Heaven with God and her loved ones.
Apparently I am not going to be able to protect my boys from this. Whether I want them to attend is out of my hands. My husband's family are basically demanding they attend and my husband will not say no to them. That is that. I am being bullied at the expense of my children's innocence. I know my opinions are strong on this subject but that is the point. I feel strongly about this and hate the idea of subjecting my children to something I totally do not believe in. I do not want them to be traumatized and it is not like saying,"I told you so" to Matt will make it all better after the fact. If this was one of their grandparents or someone they were close to then I would want them to go if they wanted to in order to help them have closure and go through the mourning process. This is not the case in this situation. Once again I am being strong armed and if I stand my ground I will be the bad selfish daughter in law and wife.
My last hurt over this all and yes this is about my feelings on all of it and I am not currently in the mood to be open to how others feel... Matt agreed with me that it was not appropriate for our boys, 3 and 2 years old, to go tonight. Then once his mother says her opinion on the matter Matt throws me under the bus stating this is my idea alone and he is simply trying to placate me. Grr. He was in full agreement and did not want them to go and yet he could not or would not tell that to his mother. It is me and me alone. Rudeness. I loved Matt's grandmother and I mourn the loss of her all the while happy that she is finally where she wanted to be. She was so ready to leave this world it feel wrong to be really sad about it all. If I made a stink it stinks up the wrong thing. I want to honor Mrs Harris today for the great life she had. Therefor I really have no choice in this but if my babies are hurt by going I will never forgive them for it. There you have it, Taylor Morrison at her best.

Miss Daisy Belle Morrison

This is our little gal who we will be getting in March. Miss Daisy is just as gorgeous as can be! Look at her arched brows and long eye lashes! I think that is what attracted me to this breed first, their eyes. Then their personalities hooked me for life! Fun fun fun.

I've decided to just live my life as I see fit and not worry what others think of me. I guess that is my present from Father Time... I just realize that we have the one life on Earth and I want to live it to the fullest! So I am going to be a hobby breeder and I am going to have more children. There I said it. I want a house full of children and laughter. I know that my husband is out of work and I know that we are just getting by for now but the key is this is just how life is today. Nothing ever stays the same so we just have to enjoy and plan for our future babies with excitement for when the time is right. God provides!

Matt and I have so many plans for our home here in Alabaster and we have committed to living in this house until the boys are in high school. We know the things we are doing around the house will only add so much value for resale but will make our life here so much better! So we are doing it for us while we live here and know that we probably won't see it in the resell. We have re-organized our playroom in to a family room with an area for watching tv with the boys, the doggie room w/ a doggie door to our fenced in yard, and our office. That way we all can be in the same area doing our own things. The divider to the doggie area is not completed and we still want to pull up all the carpet and then do some sort of stain on the concrete... I think that will be a cool look and then we can do area rugs around the office and tv area to help divide the space. Easy clean and low in cost works for us! That way in a few years if we want to upgrade this area we can without issue of covering up the flooring. The doggie wall is easily removed too so if we ever want to change it up it will not leave any permanent marks to the area. The doggie room has a gate that keeps the dogs in and the boys out when needed. It is a great amount of space for the dogs so that they have room to play in doors and go outside when they want. : ) It was my concept and Matt made it happen for me. I still have painting to do in here. For now I've only pulled up the carpet in the doggie area. Matt has his scrap wood leaning against the wall for now too but at least it is back to being a livable space once more!

The next big project is closing in the loft and converting it to the boys bedroom. They are so thrilled to get to finally sleep in their bunkbeds. And then it is time to tackle some fun projects in the kitchen. We are going to just have fun and make this home "just so."

Time to hit the gym.

Why is it that getting back into the routine of working out is so dang hard? Once I get into the rythm I LOVE it. I look forward to my next workout and enjoy trying to push myself to new goals. I loved training for long distance running and want to get back to doing that. These days I am so tired that attempting to get up at 5 am to hit the gym seems crazy. Yet I know once I suck it up and do it I will be loving it and full of energy! So I did pack my workout bag and I am just going to go right after work.

There is a bridesmaid dress that I need to look good in and I have just over a month to make that happen. I think I will struggle with my weight and self image for life, this is just a part of me I guess but I know I will be happier when I stay active and take care of myself. That being said the low carb diet is too extreme for me to stick with. I just have to eat what we have in our home and simply learn to limit and do good portions... So Weight Watchers here we go. I swear this is the only common sense plan that you can follow for life and not lose your mind doing it. You can eat what you want when you want. You just have to stick to your daily allowance... I think of it as a budget.

Anyway, I am going to get back in to my running groove and start lifting weights for the upper body. I really want to look pretty for Erin's wedding. Both of my boys are being ring bearers in the service too and will be wearing little tuxedos... I cannot imagine a more precious sight and really want to look nice to take pictures of us all. Erin has been a wonderful friend and I surely don't want to be captured forever in her wedding album as large. Ugg. Oh well. It could be worse!

Sigh

January is not the most wonderful month of the year. It is cold and the days are short. The holidays are over and you are supposed to be making resolutions and bettering yourself. At work it is busier than normal and the days are long and dreary. My kids are constantly restless because they are cooped inside due to the weather. This January is a bit harder than normal because on top of all that we are dealing with my husband still being out of a job and keeping our kids in the house. This is not an ideal situation for my kids, my husband, or me... We all hate it.
I've got a bad case of the winter blues here and am struggling to stick with my diet plan. I don't know if I am even losing weight either. This is all so very frustrating. Life is really hard sometimes and I am ready for my break please. I am so ready for my husband to be working again and my kids back in school. Pre-school gave my kids something to do with a great routine and friends to play with. They were happy and played out. We got relaxed children who were content to be with us in the evenings and go to bed at a decent time. Now I have wild children who dare to try and stay up until the wee hours of the morning.
Chaos is running my household right now and I have had enough. I don't think I am going to be able to sleep anymore if I can't get my house looking organized and attractive. I need to do what it takes to be actively keeping my kids and house clean. I think I must be a lazy person to let things slide or just put it out of my mind all the time. Here is the thing. I am embarrassed by how my home looks and don't want my friends or family to see it. if that is not a sign that something needs to be done I don't know what is.
Life has a way of changing your plans too. I had planned to be getting pregnant this February with our third and final baby. I don't feel our family is quite complete and am so ready to have this last addition to our family. Now with my two sons going wild and my husband dealing with being unemployed... well you can see it is not an ideal time to think about adding to our family. Part of me wishes I could be like the Duggar family with the 19 children (not in the actual number of kids!) on how they simply trust in God to provide for each child and allowing nature to take its course on how many babies they have. Please note I think this idly and know that there is no way I would want to pregnant every year from now until menopause. That is a bit extreme.
I have one month to be ready for the 1/2 marathon and with my winter blues and everything else I have not had the energy to get back into the gym. I am a total slug currently and feeling it too. I have to get back into running and weight lifting! What is the point of dieting if I am out of shape. Pudgy never looks good at any weight. I need to be toned and in shape. Ugg. I really hate this time in my life and want to fast forward but really is there ever the simple times? I don't think so. Our brains are too complex to just sit back and relax and just let life happen.
Hmmm... Maybe that is what we are to do. Let it happen. Be happy with what you have and just allow the curve balls to keep flying by us. If we never really have control over what comes next what is the point in worrying about it and stressing over it? I can only adjust me not the circumstance I am in really.
Matt is home with the boys and I am at work. This is not going to change until Matt gets a job and there is nothing I can do to make this happen any faster than it is supposed to happen. I need to help my husband more and give him goals to work on with our boys and their development. If I work hard to help make organization happen and work hard to put the boys down at the right time every night I am teaching them structure and maybe giving Matt some relief that I did not realize I needed to do. Maybe changing my attitude can be the catalyst for my family's attitude for now. Nothing stays the same. We have to adjust and keep on and be happy all the same. Life is what it is... a gift.