Funerals and Babies

I am at a loss. Matt's grandmother passed away this weekend and tonight is the visitation. I hate visitations. I feel it is so disrespectful to socialize around the body of your loved one. When I die and leave this Earth I really hope people respect my wishes about my funeral and visitation. There will be no viewing of my dead body ravaged by age and maybe disease. No way Jose. What I want is a lovely picture of me in my prime displayed and yes people may gather and laugh and long lost relatives may reunite because of my death. So be it. The difference is that my dead body will not be in the room on display.
I do not want my boys to go to the visitation becuase I feel they are too young to be there. They knew Memaw but are not mourning her passing. They are too young and were not that close to her. The boys being there would be for the comfort of others and I am simply not comfortable with that. This is a two and a half hour visitation. Anything that length of time is simply TOO long for children their age. I would not take them to a church service that long either. I also do not want them to see Memaw like that. Let me be clear. She is not in her body any longer and I do not want my babies to associate what is left behind as her. She is in Heaven with God and her loved ones.
Apparently I am not going to be able to protect my boys from this. Whether I want them to attend is out of my hands. My husband's family are basically demanding they attend and my husband will not say no to them. That is that. I am being bullied at the expense of my children's innocence. I know my opinions are strong on this subject but that is the point. I feel strongly about this and hate the idea of subjecting my children to something I totally do not believe in. I do not want them to be traumatized and it is not like saying,"I told you so" to Matt will make it all better after the fact. If this was one of their grandparents or someone they were close to then I would want them to go if they wanted to in order to help them have closure and go through the mourning process. This is not the case in this situation. Once again I am being strong armed and if I stand my ground I will be the bad selfish daughter in law and wife.
My last hurt over this all and yes this is about my feelings on all of it and I am not currently in the mood to be open to how others feel... Matt agreed with me that it was not appropriate for our boys, 3 and 2 years old, to go tonight. Then once his mother says her opinion on the matter Matt throws me under the bus stating this is my idea alone and he is simply trying to placate me. Grr. He was in full agreement and did not want them to go and yet he could not or would not tell that to his mother. It is me and me alone. Rudeness. I loved Matt's grandmother and I mourn the loss of her all the while happy that she is finally where she wanted to be. She was so ready to leave this world it feel wrong to be really sad about it all. If I made a stink it stinks up the wrong thing. I want to honor Mrs Harris today for the great life she had. Therefor I really have no choice in this but if my babies are hurt by going I will never forgive them for it. There you have it, Taylor Morrison at her best.

Miss Daisy Belle Morrison

This is our little gal who we will be getting in March. Miss Daisy is just as gorgeous as can be! Look at her arched brows and long eye lashes! I think that is what attracted me to this breed first, their eyes. Then their personalities hooked me for life! Fun fun fun.

I've decided to just live my life as I see fit and not worry what others think of me. I guess that is my present from Father Time... I just realize that we have the one life on Earth and I want to live it to the fullest! So I am going to be a hobby breeder and I am going to have more children. There I said it. I want a house full of children and laughter. I know that my husband is out of work and I know that we are just getting by for now but the key is this is just how life is today. Nothing ever stays the same so we just have to enjoy and plan for our future babies with excitement for when the time is right. God provides!

Matt and I have so many plans for our home here in Alabaster and we have committed to living in this house until the boys are in high school. We know the things we are doing around the house will only add so much value for resale but will make our life here so much better! So we are doing it for us while we live here and know that we probably won't see it in the resell. We have re-organized our playroom in to a family room with an area for watching tv with the boys, the doggie room w/ a doggie door to our fenced in yard, and our office. That way we all can be in the same area doing our own things. The divider to the doggie area is not completed and we still want to pull up all the carpet and then do some sort of stain on the concrete... I think that will be a cool look and then we can do area rugs around the office and tv area to help divide the space. Easy clean and low in cost works for us! That way in a few years if we want to upgrade this area we can without issue of covering up the flooring. The doggie wall is easily removed too so if we ever want to change it up it will not leave any permanent marks to the area. The doggie room has a gate that keeps the dogs in and the boys out when needed. It is a great amount of space for the dogs so that they have room to play in doors and go outside when they want. : ) It was my concept and Matt made it happen for me. I still have painting to do in here. For now I've only pulled up the carpet in the doggie area. Matt has his scrap wood leaning against the wall for now too but at least it is back to being a livable space once more!

The next big project is closing in the loft and converting it to the boys bedroom. They are so thrilled to get to finally sleep in their bunkbeds. And then it is time to tackle some fun projects in the kitchen. We are going to just have fun and make this home "just so."

Time to hit the gym.

Why is it that getting back into the routine of working out is so dang hard? Once I get into the rythm I LOVE it. I look forward to my next workout and enjoy trying to push myself to new goals. I loved training for long distance running and want to get back to doing that. These days I am so tired that attempting to get up at 5 am to hit the gym seems crazy. Yet I know once I suck it up and do it I will be loving it and full of energy! So I did pack my workout bag and I am just going to go right after work.

There is a bridesmaid dress that I need to look good in and I have just over a month to make that happen. I think I will struggle with my weight and self image for life, this is just a part of me I guess but I know I will be happier when I stay active and take care of myself. That being said the low carb diet is too extreme for me to stick with. I just have to eat what we have in our home and simply learn to limit and do good portions... So Weight Watchers here we go. I swear this is the only common sense plan that you can follow for life and not lose your mind doing it. You can eat what you want when you want. You just have to stick to your daily allowance... I think of it as a budget.

Anyway, I am going to get back in to my running groove and start lifting weights for the upper body. I really want to look pretty for Erin's wedding. Both of my boys are being ring bearers in the service too and will be wearing little tuxedos... I cannot imagine a more precious sight and really want to look nice to take pictures of us all. Erin has been a wonderful friend and I surely don't want to be captured forever in her wedding album as large. Ugg. Oh well. It could be worse!

Sigh

January is not the most wonderful month of the year. It is cold and the days are short. The holidays are over and you are supposed to be making resolutions and bettering yourself. At work it is busier than normal and the days are long and dreary. My kids are constantly restless because they are cooped inside due to the weather. This January is a bit harder than normal because on top of all that we are dealing with my husband still being out of a job and keeping our kids in the house. This is not an ideal situation for my kids, my husband, or me... We all hate it.
I've got a bad case of the winter blues here and am struggling to stick with my diet plan. I don't know if I am even losing weight either. This is all so very frustrating. Life is really hard sometimes and I am ready for my break please. I am so ready for my husband to be working again and my kids back in school. Pre-school gave my kids something to do with a great routine and friends to play with. They were happy and played out. We got relaxed children who were content to be with us in the evenings and go to bed at a decent time. Now I have wild children who dare to try and stay up until the wee hours of the morning.
Chaos is running my household right now and I have had enough. I don't think I am going to be able to sleep anymore if I can't get my house looking organized and attractive. I need to do what it takes to be actively keeping my kids and house clean. I think I must be a lazy person to let things slide or just put it out of my mind all the time. Here is the thing. I am embarrassed by how my home looks and don't want my friends or family to see it. if that is not a sign that something needs to be done I don't know what is.
Life has a way of changing your plans too. I had planned to be getting pregnant this February with our third and final baby. I don't feel our family is quite complete and am so ready to have this last addition to our family. Now with my two sons going wild and my husband dealing with being unemployed... well you can see it is not an ideal time to think about adding to our family. Part of me wishes I could be like the Duggar family with the 19 children (not in the actual number of kids!) on how they simply trust in God to provide for each child and allowing nature to take its course on how many babies they have. Please note I think this idly and know that there is no way I would want to pregnant every year from now until menopause. That is a bit extreme.
I have one month to be ready for the 1/2 marathon and with my winter blues and everything else I have not had the energy to get back into the gym. I am a total slug currently and feeling it too. I have to get back into running and weight lifting! What is the point of dieting if I am out of shape. Pudgy never looks good at any weight. I need to be toned and in shape. Ugg. I really hate this time in my life and want to fast forward but really is there ever the simple times? I don't think so. Our brains are too complex to just sit back and relax and just let life happen.
Hmmm... Maybe that is what we are to do. Let it happen. Be happy with what you have and just allow the curve balls to keep flying by us. If we never really have control over what comes next what is the point in worrying about it and stressing over it? I can only adjust me not the circumstance I am in really.
Matt is home with the boys and I am at work. This is not going to change until Matt gets a job and there is nothing I can do to make this happen any faster than it is supposed to happen. I need to help my husband more and give him goals to work on with our boys and their development. If I work hard to help make organization happen and work hard to put the boys down at the right time every night I am teaching them structure and maybe giving Matt some relief that I did not realize I needed to do. Maybe changing my attitude can be the catalyst for my family's attitude for now. Nothing stays the same. We have to adjust and keep on and be happy all the same. Life is what it is... a gift.

Brrr Chilly Cold

I left this morning for work praying that I don't get stuck there today. It is going to snow and it is cold enough that everything will freeze instantly and stay through the weekend. While all the schools are cancelled today my company is still open so here I am. I left at the same time as always, 7:10am and instead of getting here somewhere around 7:45am I was here right at 7:30am... so here I sit with not alot to do but obsessively search the weather reports and check out the latest puppies on various shih tzu breeders' websites. I really hope they let us go before it gets so bad. I have never driven in the snow and have no urge to leanr new things today.

I woke up to sweet puppy kisses from Jude and went downstairs to find my husband asleep wrapped in my snuggie on the couch. Apparently last night while trying to keep the fire going he laid down on the couch and fell asleep. Bless his heart. I have to say no man can look anything but cute wrapped up in a leopard print snuggie fast asleep. It was nice getting to talk to him in the morning while the boys slept. Then Bennett got up and I got to have a bit of time to love on him before leaving for work. I miss them in the morning the most becuase when Matt was working that was really a nice time for the three of us together. I'd get up and then wake them up and get us all ready and then I had their company on the commute to the day care. It was quality time on the go.

My diet is doing good. My energy is rebounding some and I will be up and running by Monday. I think I am my biggest asset as well as hinderance when it comes to losing weight and being the woman I want to be. Currantly my mind is made up that I will really lose this weight and therefor day by day I stick with it because I believe in myself... If I doubt me then I give up. So currently I really believe that I will be fitting into my size 10 clothes withint a month or two. I just know I will. I am one of those people that if I really set my mind to do something nothing will stand in my way of accomplishing that goal. Just ask my husband. He will tell you!

Okay, about to get to work and do what I do all day. By the way Roll Tide Roll! I am so excited about the National Championship tonight!!! I am so proud of our boys and cannot wait to watch it all happen. I am wearing red to support my team. No matter the season I am a big Alabama fan.

Ketosis

So I am sticking with eating a low carb diet. Now this to me means cutting out the simple carbohydrates only and still consuming the complex ones and those high in fiber. If you look back to our roots we were hunters and gatherers. Our bodies learned to store extra food as fat that we could save for times when food was lean and then the fat would be used as energy... This is the natural state of our bodies. So eating a diet of lean meats and leafy veggies and berries is really good and puts your body into a natural state of using fats as fuel. The scientific name is ketosis and it really is cool to think that you can use only your fat as fuel and not lose your lean muscle mass.
So each day gets a little easier as your body restructures itself not to crave the sugars and starches you normally consumed. Every day my energy level feels a bit better and I honestly feel leaner... not so fluffy or bloated I guess. Anyway I got these test strips that tell you if you are in the state of ketosis called ketostix and I am in the state. If you google the word ketosis it tells you all you need to know. Basically when your body turns fat into energy anything that you do not then burn will leave your body in your sweat and urine. If you don't stay hydrated this can have a smell so drink water! The cool thing is the once fat now energy that is not used cannot turn back into fat. So seriously it is a win win to me. Take your vitamins and eat your veggies and pass on the rolls. Watch the weight fall off. Easy peasy!
I also have to pick up my training for my 1/2 marathon. My schedule will be hitting the gym Monday thru Friday @ 6am and doing cardio for 60 minutes either on the elliptical or running... have to vary to keep from overdoing it on the running. Saturdays are my long run day and Sunday is a day of rest. I have to do 2 days a week of strength training as well. That I do at night before bed. Just easier that way and I can watch my shows while working out. This is the year I am going to polish up Taylor. It is time!

Plug Outlets

Imagine sleeping soundly in bed only to be awakened by your husband banging about. You ask if something is wrong and he grumbles. You go quiet knowing no fun will be had when he is in a "mood." Plug outlets. What? Apparently for the last 10 years of our sharing a life together Matt has been fuming inside over my choice of which outlet to plug my hair appliances to. Top or bottom.

Have you ever considered which one to plug your hair dryer into? I have not. I did not realize there was some sort of method to doing it right. I assumed that if you plug it in and it turns on all is well with the world. Not so much for Matt. It kills him that I unplug his electric razor to plug in my dryer. He thinks I should simply put mine on the bottom and then replug his in on top. Ok. Weird weird land of man brain here. Apparently all this time it has upset him that I am not SHARING the outlet with his things.

Let me pause and say that we do not get ready at the same time. It never occured to me that I need to SHARE the outlets with someone who is not needing them at the time. In all things that make sense this does not to me. He thinks my logic is broken and that I should be walking into walls because I don't think before I plug. How freaking retarded is this argument? Have you EVER in your life had an argument over something so silly and mundane? He is not in the bathroom why oh why would he care about this?

I could rant and rave for hours I believe over this one because he woke me up to lay into me on this and then I just laid in bed fuming over all the reasons his reasoning are so very flawed. The number one reason is that you are wasting electricity leaving appliances not being used plugged in. You should always unplug once you are done and put away. So the whole thing is me being a good citizen of Planet Earth. Ha ha! So from now on I will make sure that I always do put away all the appliances as a courtesy to him for forgetting and I will forgive him his lack of logic in that one.

SIDE NOTE: It irks me that he leaves things plugged in. That is why I unplug it and put it away. Drives me batty that he leaves his shaving stuff out on the counter every day. The shaving cream can always leaves a rust ring on the counter top and who do you suppose cleans that off? Hmm??? Ok, unlike him I deal with these slight irritations and move on with my life. I do not and have never let them sit and fester under my skin for an entire decade. Again how pointless is that and all the energy wasted on it? I correct what irritates me and move on with my day. If I did not I would probably erupt at 2 am over something stupid like him leaving the phone charger plugged in all the time with nothing charging on the kitchen counter top... grrr. Relax, release, relate. Another day another dummy.