Sunday, December 9, 2012
Monday, December 3, 2012
Hi ho, hi ho, it's back to work I go!
I have this last week home before I head back to work. My instinct wants to be with Chapman 24/7 but my pocket book needs the money. I plan on doing all that I can in this last week to relish being a full time mom only. I haven't had down time as taking care of an infant and two big boys is not for the weak. So I plan to finish the Christmas shopping, plan my meals or returning to work, make sure I have the appropriate clothing to wear to work. Having to go back is hard and there is nothing to comfort me about it. I just have to survive it.
Friday, November 16, 2012
And now to Thanksgiving
Well time flies. Chapman is 5 weeks old and next week is Thanksgiving. I am so glad that I don't have to be back at work the week after Thanksgiving. 6 weeks doesn't seem long enough and I am fairly sure that 9 weeks won't feel any better. My heart won't be with me at work but I have to work... I wish we could afford me to stay home and just be immersed in my children's lives. No point in thinking that way as it just wasn't meant to be. I am lucky to be a mom and to have such great kids. Here are some photos of us.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
18 days until we meet Chapman!
I cannot believe the time in closing in on meeting our third son Chapman Mills Morrison. I dreamed of this baby for years before we finally got pregnant and now I am just a few weeks away from finally getting to hold him! My leave is set and my c-section date is scheduled for 10.11.12... Gotta love that date! I am planning to go back to work the second week in December giving me a solid 2 months to bond with Chapman and heal from the c-section. I really hope I can swing into things as a mother of 3 who works full time. There will always be a part of me dreaming of the alternative life where I stay home and just be a mom and wife. I think my house would be cleaner and maybe I would be a little less stressed... maybe. I don't know. My life is the working mom and while my job is certainly not a dream career where I make loads of money, I simply cannot financially afford to NOT work. So there you go. I do what I must because my family does come first. I am just hoping that I am able to find a new normal with my three sons and no one suffers for adding to our family. The funny thing is I feel I have just gotten accustomed to the whole 2 boys in school routine... you know homework, bathtime, bedtime, wake up and get out the door time. My boys are thriving in school and I could not be prouder. Both are taking karate and loving it. Cullen is thinking BoyScouts but Matt and I am not really sure about that one. We don't have the time to volunteer w/ it and I am not ok with him going and us NOT being involved. My thought is the only way to protect my boys from predators is to be 100% involved in all their activities... For us that means if we ourselves aren't present one of our parents will be. Anyway. Life is FULL and there is so much more to come! I am so happy to be alive and living this life. I feel blessed to have my dreams of being a mommy fulfilled. Will we have more kids every? I don't think so. I feel that desire is being met with Chapman and while we didn't get our little girl maybe that is just God's way of telling us that we were simply meant for a house of wonderful boys. Blessed and thankful. That would be me!
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
And I'm Back!
I million and 5 things have happened since my last post. Cullen is in K5 at Meadow View and doing a great job while Bennett is finishing up his last year in pre-school. Both boys are smart and sweet and the apple of my eyes. I am still working at Blue Cross Blue Shield of Alabama and being a mom AND breeding AKC Shih Tzus on a hobby level. Matt is working from home currently and together we are able to take care of our sons and our puppies. :) My days are long and wonderful and I am working for my family so it is worth it. We just love each other so much and I feel so blessed to have this great family unit!
I don't know what our future holds and I am ok with that. I just want to enjoy the now and make sure my babies have a wonderful childhood. So far so good! I am still running (crazy old Taylor) and hope to really get a grasp of a healthy lifestyle this year. I am enjoying my breeding and have 2 litters of the most beautiful puppies currently. My two females had 5 puppies each only 4 days apart. So it is puppies everywhere at our home currently. I will try harder to keep my life updated though it seems so hard at time to FIND the time.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
In the Heart of Darkness
We are days from Christmas here and my children are on cloud 9 of glee to see what Santa has brought. I find myself in a place of devastation unlike I have experienced before. It is rooted in fear and betrayal. I want to say I love my children's daycare and am so thankful they go there. I feel they are as protected from evil as they can be out side our home. However sometimes evil finds a way into places it does not belong and we cannot see it because it lies beneath the surface.
Good verses bad.
I was notified on Saturday December 18th that my son's teacher was being detained by the FBI on charges having to do with child pornography, soliciting a minor with sexual intent, and the exploitation of a minor for sexual content. Come to find out he was on a YouTube account with another man from Georgia They were playing the part of an 11 year old girl and trying to get this boy out in Colorado to send them elicit sexual photos of himself... which he did. The boy is 10. The little boy's mother checked his account and immediately contacted the police. I have to wonder at the horror the mother must have felt when she saw the photos her son had taken of himself and sent off to this unknown person on the Internet. How must she felt when she saw that a stranger was talking her son into doing these things. Obviously she knew it really wasn't an 11 year old girl... what child that age send nude photos of herself?
Mr Shane was a great teacher and I loved having him as my son's. He was dependable and I talked with him daily. He was friendly and good with the children. I never thought anything negative about him at all. I was glad to have a male influence on my son in the classroom setting. He worked for the center for the last 5 years. He had an almost perfect file with them. The school did all the background checks imaginable and he had a perfect record. He was a Sunday school teacher up until December 16th. You know if they pulled another background check on him last Friday it still would have come up clean...
As of yesterday official charges have been filed in Colorado. The FBI state they have no reason to investigate further into his life at the day care. He has actually admitted to conspiring to have this minor take and send pornographic photos of himself and send them to this Internet account. The other man arrested was on parole for another sex crime in Georgia.
I have come so very close to the worst situation a parent can find themselves in. There was a predator in my child's daily life but he did not prey on boys as young as my son. I don't know how it works. I don't get the mentality. I do understand that this is a sickness to be attracted to young children. I grasp that. But he chose to make a career out of teaching 4 year old! Did he get off on it? Was it food for his illness? This hurts this makes me sick... I am going through the signs of grief I think.
I initially felt so sorry for him being all sick and now having his whole life ruined by the choices he has made. My mind goes a million different directions and the thing that makes me pause the longest is the cold fear that I had absolutely no clue that there was something wrong with him. The majority of sexual abuse is actually done by females which makes sense being that most primary care givers of children are female...
I am still having such a hard time putting my mind around the fact that "Mr Shane" purposefully led this young boy into doing these things... He played a part in taking away that boy's innocence. He was the predator. He lied and manipulated a child. He is a predator and I have to come to grips with that.
We feel that Cullen and the other kids at school were not hurt in any way. There are worries about photos being taken because if you are going around looking for kiddy porn it might be worth something in trade value. I don't know. I just don't know. He went to college to be a child educator.
I don't know if there is a right or wrong way to feel about all this. The school has been wonderful making sure to disclose everything that they know. They are filled with the same guilt we feel for not seeing this in Shane. Good verses Bad Guys. Cullen stated that bad guys are strangers and my heart broke because that is not the case for us. We knew and loved a bad guy and he was definitely not a stranger.
I cannot make sense of why he did what he did. I feel people get online and think that what they are doing and what is happening is not real and that no one is really getting hurt. Well surprise Shane, you really were talking to a child and his mom really did call the police who contacted the FBI who then pulled ALL the activity you did online for your fantasy world. You have ruined your life and have irrevocably hurt a child. I am so thankful to the mother who reported it all and to the FBI who worked so quickly and made that courtesy call to the day care to let them know he was being detained and for what crimes...
So my child is fine. Cullen has no clue that Mr Shane had unhealthy feelings about young boys. Why did he work with kids? Was he compartmentalizing his life so that the one area did not overlap the other? What I wish I knew was whether he was just the best damn liar I have ever met or was he this guy with good intent at heart that allowed his sickness to ruin his life. Did he think he could be good for these kids at school all the while having these desires??? I am so lost on this one and so shaken.
Just think on how close all the little boys in my son's room and all the boys in the rooms before came to a predator. Because while I am still feeling that he has a sickness and that he did not hurt my son make no mistake that he is a predator. My blood runs cold at the thought of the FBI finding photos of my son on his home computer which they have found child pornography on which he admitted they would find. How do parents survive finding out someone hurt their baby like that? How do you survive the interviews with the police and FBI. How do you get through the guilt? We were the lucky ones which blows my mind.
I feel as though I just found out that Santa Clause is not real and worse that the boogie man is! So when my son made that innocently sweet and wrong comment that the bad guys are all strangers I had to say no Cullen they are not all strangers. Bad guys are just people who choose to do bad things when they know they are wrong. Good guys choose to do the right things even if they don't want to. There is no black and white on this one. I am angry and scared. Because this guy was caught. How many others are there out there just waiting to take advantage of a moment in my son's life?
I think what could I have done differently? You know I did it all right. I communicated actively with both teachers. I talked with my son about his days and we talked randomly about privates and personal spaces. I have told my son over and over again that no matter what he does I will always love him... because he asks that... He asks if I do something bad will you still love me. YES I tell him. Now things like that make me worry. But I know my son and there have not been any personality changes since he started that class. Lets be real there weren't many opportunities at school to make that kind of relationship with the child. They don't do it once ... they build on it and make it normal to the kid... I worry more for his activities with his church kids. God I hope there are no more victims.
Good verses bad.
I was notified on Saturday December 18th that my son's teacher was being detained by the FBI on charges having to do with child pornography, soliciting a minor with sexual intent, and the exploitation of a minor for sexual content. Come to find out he was on a YouTube account with another man from Georgia They were playing the part of an 11 year old girl and trying to get this boy out in Colorado to send them elicit sexual photos of himself... which he did. The boy is 10. The little boy's mother checked his account and immediately contacted the police. I have to wonder at the horror the mother must have felt when she saw the photos her son had taken of himself and sent off to this unknown person on the Internet. How must she felt when she saw that a stranger was talking her son into doing these things. Obviously she knew it really wasn't an 11 year old girl... what child that age send nude photos of herself?
Mr Shane was a great teacher and I loved having him as my son's. He was dependable and I talked with him daily. He was friendly and good with the children. I never thought anything negative about him at all. I was glad to have a male influence on my son in the classroom setting. He worked for the center for the last 5 years. He had an almost perfect file with them. The school did all the background checks imaginable and he had a perfect record. He was a Sunday school teacher up until December 16th. You know if they pulled another background check on him last Friday it still would have come up clean...
As of yesterday official charges have been filed in Colorado. The FBI state they have no reason to investigate further into his life at the day care. He has actually admitted to conspiring to have this minor take and send pornographic photos of himself and send them to this Internet account. The other man arrested was on parole for another sex crime in Georgia.
I have come so very close to the worst situation a parent can find themselves in. There was a predator in my child's daily life but he did not prey on boys as young as my son. I don't know how it works. I don't get the mentality. I do understand that this is a sickness to be attracted to young children. I grasp that. But he chose to make a career out of teaching 4 year old! Did he get off on it? Was it food for his illness? This hurts this makes me sick... I am going through the signs of grief I think.
I initially felt so sorry for him being all sick and now having his whole life ruined by the choices he has made. My mind goes a million different directions and the thing that makes me pause the longest is the cold fear that I had absolutely no clue that there was something wrong with him. The majority of sexual abuse is actually done by females which makes sense being that most primary care givers of children are female...
I am still having such a hard time putting my mind around the fact that "Mr Shane" purposefully led this young boy into doing these things... He played a part in taking away that boy's innocence. He was the predator. He lied and manipulated a child. He is a predator and I have to come to grips with that.
We feel that Cullen and the other kids at school were not hurt in any way. There are worries about photos being taken because if you are going around looking for kiddy porn it might be worth something in trade value. I don't know. I just don't know. He went to college to be a child educator.
I don't know if there is a right or wrong way to feel about all this. The school has been wonderful making sure to disclose everything that they know. They are filled with the same guilt we feel for not seeing this in Shane. Good verses Bad Guys. Cullen stated that bad guys are strangers and my heart broke because that is not the case for us. We knew and loved a bad guy and he was definitely not a stranger.
I cannot make sense of why he did what he did. I feel people get online and think that what they are doing and what is happening is not real and that no one is really getting hurt. Well surprise Shane, you really were talking to a child and his mom really did call the police who contacted the FBI who then pulled ALL the activity you did online for your fantasy world. You have ruined your life and have irrevocably hurt a child. I am so thankful to the mother who reported it all and to the FBI who worked so quickly and made that courtesy call to the day care to let them know he was being detained and for what crimes...
So my child is fine. Cullen has no clue that Mr Shane had unhealthy feelings about young boys. Why did he work with kids? Was he compartmentalizing his life so that the one area did not overlap the other? What I wish I knew was whether he was just the best damn liar I have ever met or was he this guy with good intent at heart that allowed his sickness to ruin his life. Did he think he could be good for these kids at school all the while having these desires??? I am so lost on this one and so shaken.
Just think on how close all the little boys in my son's room and all the boys in the rooms before came to a predator. Because while I am still feeling that he has a sickness and that he did not hurt my son make no mistake that he is a predator. My blood runs cold at the thought of the FBI finding photos of my son on his home computer which they have found child pornography on which he admitted they would find. How do parents survive finding out someone hurt their baby like that? How do you survive the interviews with the police and FBI. How do you get through the guilt? We were the lucky ones which blows my mind.
I feel as though I just found out that Santa Clause is not real and worse that the boogie man is! So when my son made that innocently sweet and wrong comment that the bad guys are all strangers I had to say no Cullen they are not all strangers. Bad guys are just people who choose to do bad things when they know they are wrong. Good guys choose to do the right things even if they don't want to. There is no black and white on this one. I am angry and scared. Because this guy was caught. How many others are there out there just waiting to take advantage of a moment in my son's life?
I think what could I have done differently? You know I did it all right. I communicated actively with both teachers. I talked with my son about his days and we talked randomly about privates and personal spaces. I have told my son over and over again that no matter what he does I will always love him... because he asks that... He asks if I do something bad will you still love me. YES I tell him. Now things like that make me worry. But I know my son and there have not been any personality changes since he started that class. Lets be real there weren't many opportunities at school to make that kind of relationship with the child. They don't do it once ... they build on it and make it normal to the kid... I worry more for his activities with his church kids. God I hope there are no more victims.
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