Time to hit the gym.

Why is it that getting back into the routine of working out is so dang hard? Once I get into the rythm I LOVE it. I look forward to my next workout and enjoy trying to push myself to new goals. I loved training for long distance running and want to get back to doing that. These days I am so tired that attempting to get up at 5 am to hit the gym seems crazy. Yet I know once I suck it up and do it I will be loving it and full of energy! So I did pack my workout bag and I am just going to go right after work.

There is a bridesmaid dress that I need to look good in and I have just over a month to make that happen. I think I will struggle with my weight and self image for life, this is just a part of me I guess but I know I will be happier when I stay active and take care of myself. That being said the low carb diet is too extreme for me to stick with. I just have to eat what we have in our home and simply learn to limit and do good portions... So Weight Watchers here we go. I swear this is the only common sense plan that you can follow for life and not lose your mind doing it. You can eat what you want when you want. You just have to stick to your daily allowance... I think of it as a budget.

Anyway, I am going to get back in to my running groove and start lifting weights for the upper body. I really want to look pretty for Erin's wedding. Both of my boys are being ring bearers in the service too and will be wearing little tuxedos... I cannot imagine a more precious sight and really want to look nice to take pictures of us all. Erin has been a wonderful friend and I surely don't want to be captured forever in her wedding album as large. Ugg. Oh well. It could be worse!

Sigh

January is not the most wonderful month of the year. It is cold and the days are short. The holidays are over and you are supposed to be making resolutions and bettering yourself. At work it is busier than normal and the days are long and dreary. My kids are constantly restless because they are cooped inside due to the weather. This January is a bit harder than normal because on top of all that we are dealing with my husband still being out of a job and keeping our kids in the house. This is not an ideal situation for my kids, my husband, or me... We all hate it.
I've got a bad case of the winter blues here and am struggling to stick with my diet plan. I don't know if I am even losing weight either. This is all so very frustrating. Life is really hard sometimes and I am ready for my break please. I am so ready for my husband to be working again and my kids back in school. Pre-school gave my kids something to do with a great routine and friends to play with. They were happy and played out. We got relaxed children who were content to be with us in the evenings and go to bed at a decent time. Now I have wild children who dare to try and stay up until the wee hours of the morning.
Chaos is running my household right now and I have had enough. I don't think I am going to be able to sleep anymore if I can't get my house looking organized and attractive. I need to do what it takes to be actively keeping my kids and house clean. I think I must be a lazy person to let things slide or just put it out of my mind all the time. Here is the thing. I am embarrassed by how my home looks and don't want my friends or family to see it. if that is not a sign that something needs to be done I don't know what is.
Life has a way of changing your plans too. I had planned to be getting pregnant this February with our third and final baby. I don't feel our family is quite complete and am so ready to have this last addition to our family. Now with my two sons going wild and my husband dealing with being unemployed... well you can see it is not an ideal time to think about adding to our family. Part of me wishes I could be like the Duggar family with the 19 children (not in the actual number of kids!) on how they simply trust in God to provide for each child and allowing nature to take its course on how many babies they have. Please note I think this idly and know that there is no way I would want to pregnant every year from now until menopause. That is a bit extreme.
I have one month to be ready for the 1/2 marathon and with my winter blues and everything else I have not had the energy to get back into the gym. I am a total slug currently and feeling it too. I have to get back into running and weight lifting! What is the point of dieting if I am out of shape. Pudgy never looks good at any weight. I need to be toned and in shape. Ugg. I really hate this time in my life and want to fast forward but really is there ever the simple times? I don't think so. Our brains are too complex to just sit back and relax and just let life happen.
Hmmm... Maybe that is what we are to do. Let it happen. Be happy with what you have and just allow the curve balls to keep flying by us. If we never really have control over what comes next what is the point in worrying about it and stressing over it? I can only adjust me not the circumstance I am in really.
Matt is home with the boys and I am at work. This is not going to change until Matt gets a job and there is nothing I can do to make this happen any faster than it is supposed to happen. I need to help my husband more and give him goals to work on with our boys and their development. If I work hard to help make organization happen and work hard to put the boys down at the right time every night I am teaching them structure and maybe giving Matt some relief that I did not realize I needed to do. Maybe changing my attitude can be the catalyst for my family's attitude for now. Nothing stays the same. We have to adjust and keep on and be happy all the same. Life is what it is... a gift.

Brrr Chilly Cold

I left this morning for work praying that I don't get stuck there today. It is going to snow and it is cold enough that everything will freeze instantly and stay through the weekend. While all the schools are cancelled today my company is still open so here I am. I left at the same time as always, 7:10am and instead of getting here somewhere around 7:45am I was here right at 7:30am... so here I sit with not alot to do but obsessively search the weather reports and check out the latest puppies on various shih tzu breeders' websites. I really hope they let us go before it gets so bad. I have never driven in the snow and have no urge to leanr new things today.

I woke up to sweet puppy kisses from Jude and went downstairs to find my husband asleep wrapped in my snuggie on the couch. Apparently last night while trying to keep the fire going he laid down on the couch and fell asleep. Bless his heart. I have to say no man can look anything but cute wrapped up in a leopard print snuggie fast asleep. It was nice getting to talk to him in the morning while the boys slept. Then Bennett got up and I got to have a bit of time to love on him before leaving for work. I miss them in the morning the most becuase when Matt was working that was really a nice time for the three of us together. I'd get up and then wake them up and get us all ready and then I had their company on the commute to the day care. It was quality time on the go.

My diet is doing good. My energy is rebounding some and I will be up and running by Monday. I think I am my biggest asset as well as hinderance when it comes to losing weight and being the woman I want to be. Currantly my mind is made up that I will really lose this weight and therefor day by day I stick with it because I believe in myself... If I doubt me then I give up. So currently I really believe that I will be fitting into my size 10 clothes withint a month or two. I just know I will. I am one of those people that if I really set my mind to do something nothing will stand in my way of accomplishing that goal. Just ask my husband. He will tell you!

Okay, about to get to work and do what I do all day. By the way Roll Tide Roll! I am so excited about the National Championship tonight!!! I am so proud of our boys and cannot wait to watch it all happen. I am wearing red to support my team. No matter the season I am a big Alabama fan.

Ketosis

So I am sticking with eating a low carb diet. Now this to me means cutting out the simple carbohydrates only and still consuming the complex ones and those high in fiber. If you look back to our roots we were hunters and gatherers. Our bodies learned to store extra food as fat that we could save for times when food was lean and then the fat would be used as energy... This is the natural state of our bodies. So eating a diet of lean meats and leafy veggies and berries is really good and puts your body into a natural state of using fats as fuel. The scientific name is ketosis and it really is cool to think that you can use only your fat as fuel and not lose your lean muscle mass.
So each day gets a little easier as your body restructures itself not to crave the sugars and starches you normally consumed. Every day my energy level feels a bit better and I honestly feel leaner... not so fluffy or bloated I guess. Anyway I got these test strips that tell you if you are in the state of ketosis called ketostix and I am in the state. If you google the word ketosis it tells you all you need to know. Basically when your body turns fat into energy anything that you do not then burn will leave your body in your sweat and urine. If you don't stay hydrated this can have a smell so drink water! The cool thing is the once fat now energy that is not used cannot turn back into fat. So seriously it is a win win to me. Take your vitamins and eat your veggies and pass on the rolls. Watch the weight fall off. Easy peasy!
I also have to pick up my training for my 1/2 marathon. My schedule will be hitting the gym Monday thru Friday @ 6am and doing cardio for 60 minutes either on the elliptical or running... have to vary to keep from overdoing it on the running. Saturdays are my long run day and Sunday is a day of rest. I have to do 2 days a week of strength training as well. That I do at night before bed. Just easier that way and I can watch my shows while working out. This is the year I am going to polish up Taylor. It is time!

Plug Outlets

Imagine sleeping soundly in bed only to be awakened by your husband banging about. You ask if something is wrong and he grumbles. You go quiet knowing no fun will be had when he is in a "mood." Plug outlets. What? Apparently for the last 10 years of our sharing a life together Matt has been fuming inside over my choice of which outlet to plug my hair appliances to. Top or bottom.

Have you ever considered which one to plug your hair dryer into? I have not. I did not realize there was some sort of method to doing it right. I assumed that if you plug it in and it turns on all is well with the world. Not so much for Matt. It kills him that I unplug his electric razor to plug in my dryer. He thinks I should simply put mine on the bottom and then replug his in on top. Ok. Weird weird land of man brain here. Apparently all this time it has upset him that I am not SHARING the outlet with his things.

Let me pause and say that we do not get ready at the same time. It never occured to me that I need to SHARE the outlets with someone who is not needing them at the time. In all things that make sense this does not to me. He thinks my logic is broken and that I should be walking into walls because I don't think before I plug. How freaking retarded is this argument? Have you EVER in your life had an argument over something so silly and mundane? He is not in the bathroom why oh why would he care about this?

I could rant and rave for hours I believe over this one because he woke me up to lay into me on this and then I just laid in bed fuming over all the reasons his reasoning are so very flawed. The number one reason is that you are wasting electricity leaving appliances not being used plugged in. You should always unplug once you are done and put away. So the whole thing is me being a good citizen of Planet Earth. Ha ha! So from now on I will make sure that I always do put away all the appliances as a courtesy to him for forgetting and I will forgive him his lack of logic in that one.

SIDE NOTE: It irks me that he leaves things plugged in. That is why I unplug it and put it away. Drives me batty that he leaves his shaving stuff out on the counter every day. The shaving cream can always leaves a rust ring on the counter top and who do you suppose cleans that off? Hmm??? Ok, unlike him I deal with these slight irritations and move on with my life. I do not and have never let them sit and fester under my skin for an entire decade. Again how pointless is that and all the energy wasted on it? I correct what irritates me and move on with my day. If I did not I would probably erupt at 2 am over something stupid like him leaving the phone charger plugged in all the time with nothing charging on the kitchen counter top... grrr. Relax, release, relate. Another day another dummy.

Goodbye Parker

We are taking back Miss Parker... just not going to work out. I feel horrible because I know this is better than where she was but she does not get along with Peanut Buddy. Matt and I have decided that we should just keep looking and eventually add a little girl puppy. Puppies aren't threatening to Peanut Buddy so that should work best. We got over our head in this one. Ugg. I really hate that there are people out there who lock dogs up and just use them for breeding. They get no love or attention or real care. This little two year old has no energy and all the play is gone from her. She has flat eyes. OK. We just are going to take her back and know that she will be fed and cared for until someone else adopts her. You cannot save them all and pets are family members you cannot add a new family member that does not get along with anyone else. Crappers. It is the right choice to take her back. Hopefully someone will adopt her that can give her all the love and attention she deserves. We are a chaotic family and our two puppies are energetic and happy so that is all good. Busy day here. We shall take Parker aka Sparkles back and pray that a family will adopt her and be able to bring her our of her shell. It is just not use. GUILT!!! Well who would I be if I did not feel guilty when you here your son Bennett (2 years old) say I love that dog... I will miss that dog. OK I shall cope and move on.

2010 Resolutions

First and foremost getting my kids to church every Sunday is my number 1 resolution for this year. I have slacked on that just enjoying lazy Sundays with the boys and Matt in the house but I really want to give my kids a solid foundation of faith to take with them through life. How can I be lazy in the most important part of rearing my babies? Anyway I am just going to have to push past my fear of finding a church family and being accepted for the sake of my babies. They are way more important then my fear of new things. I love going to hear my dad preach still but his retirement church is so small and there aren't any programs for kids. Our boys really need a social outlet and what better way to have that than with church friends? Anyway we are going to try out Calera First Church tomorrow I think. It is reasonably close and I have heard good things about it.

Second I am going to finally get to my goal weight this year. I am going low-carb currently (today numero uno) to get to a sweet weight by my best friends wedding in February. My dress fits but would fit better with a good 15 pound weight loss. I also have to pick up with my training for running. I have taken a break and allowing myself to slum around recently and I am getting restless. Monday thru Friday I will be at the gym @ 6am to run or do the elliptical. Saturday is my long run day. The boys love doing weight lifting with me and yoga. Cullen calls it yogurt. Ha ha. I want to show my boys a healthy active way of life. Really want the best for them and it starts with me. So good bye breads, rice, and pasta. Once Erin's wedding is done I will go back to Weight Watchers because that is just smart eating skills. One day I hope to not be obsessed with the way I look but today is not that day.

Thirdly and really the last of my reasonable resolutions is to get my home in order and to learn to keep it in order on a daily basis. This is in combination with keeping myself in order too. IE not going to work with my hair pulled back in a ponytail and no makeup. How you present yourself is important as is how you present your home. I will not go to bed with a dirty home nor without my next day's outfit for work ready to go. I will be showering in the gym and packing my work clothes so that keeps me organized and put together. I have to be the leader here in teaching my kids how to keep a clean home and room. If I cannot do this then I cannot expect them to either. Matt is doing his darndest home all day with the boys to maintain a level of chaos. Not great but really not as bad as it could be. Time will tell the story. I vow to be a better me and that includes a better wife, housekeeper, mother, and career woman. Oh the life of a lady these days!

Shih Tzu Madness

Baby mania has taken Matt and me. But with him at home and our income on the thin side with it being just me working we have turned to puppy dogs for the answer and so far so good! Matt adopted an abused puppy that is about 10 months old or so and I adopted and little shih tzu puppy as seen in the picture. His name is Saint Jude Morrison and he is just a doll. Potty training is going great with this little guy who does his "duty" and then bounds toward you for his praise and loving. But the madness continues as I have delved into my love of this breed I have decided that I want to go into hobby breeding of my own. Jude is our third shih tzu and I don't think I will ever go without having at least one of these pups in my home. I do have to give thanks to Judy from Goldilocks Grooming for Jude. Her website if interested in her dogs is http://goldilocksgrooming.com and I have to say we are 100% happy with our little guy. She should have pups available this February if interested.

I came across a two year old shih tzu for sale from a local kennel and all I can say is that I just had to get her. She never had an owner and spent the first two years of life in a kennel. She has had to beautiful litters of pups and the kennel owner no longer needs her. She has too many dogs currently. We adopted her because well, I could not leave her in such a place. I don't know how people can do that to animals! Shih tzus are bred as companion dogs. To not have an owner and constant human contact is close to torture for this breed. So there you have it. I am going to be the crazy shih tzu lady of Alabaster. No babies but sweet wide eyed puppies.

So my plan is to breed as a hobby for my favorite traits and try to better the breed. My two are both fully AKC registered and my new gal will be bred with Jude this next year once he is mature. I only want to do one or two litters with Parker (originally called Sparkles but that is not a name we could stomach and Parker is close enough to Sparkles that she responds) and then she will retire to being our lovely lady of the manor. Parker is a sweet girl and we are trying to start the potty training process with her. Obviously she is not house broken being she has never been in a home before. She is loving the life and only has had one accident... I think she is holding it until she just can't help herself. I have taken her out with the others and she is absolutely clueless as to what to do in the yard. I am hoping with time and patience she will get into the swing of things. All she wants is to be in your lap and by your feet.

Her hair is in dire need of serious grooming. Hopefully we can get her all prettied up over the next few months. She is a sweet little girl and she deserves a home of her own. Little dogs are so fun and loving. Having a few does not seem overwhelming when they are well behaved. I am loving it. I guess I was in need of a hobby to get my mind off the crappy economy and single income living... we are lucky in love and family and have 2 wonderful little boys that are everything to us. But lets face it I work to live on the weekends and evenings. Time is precious and I aim to do all that I can to be happy in this life. For now that means immersing myself in my boys and shih tzus and teaching them how to be loving to animals.

So we have 3 little dogs now. Peanut Buddy, Jude, and Parker. Now we just have to find our future home out in the country with lots of room for our sons and doggies to romp and play. :)

Update of the Fluffy Monster

It has been a few years since my first and last post. Since then I did actually lose 40 pounds of loveable mommy fluff through weight watchers. Gosh a good deal of things have happened. First I left my job at the Credit Union and stayed home with my sons for 5 months while we tried to sell our home in Tuscaloosa and Matt was commuting to his job in Calera, AL. I loved staying home but we knew it was temporary and August '08 I started working at Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Alabama. Great company to work for and I hope I can move up the career path with this company for the rest of my working career. We bought our new home in Alabaster last spring and have become very happy living here in Alabaster.

Life throws us curve balls constantly though and Matt lost his job this past June '09. We pulled the boys out of day care and he has been the full time Daddy at home since. Now is not a fun time to be looking for a job but Matt stays pretty positive and has been a finalist in 3 really great jobs thus far. We know that the right job will come at the right time and just have to keep on keeping on.

Now to be honest on how I am handling this all. I am not. I am stressed to the max and guilty for different feelings that come about when you are the only one going to work daily. Matt has a special bond with the boys now from being with them all day that I miss out on. I am the first to get up and don't even see the boys until I get home pooped around 5:30pm every day. This has not helped my battle with the bulge either. Finances are stretched and I am just trying to survive. I am not a fan of the stay at home husband and would prefer my beloved to be out of the house working. He is a facebook junky these days bonding with the other stay at home people trying to remain connected to the outside world. I know it is tough on him too. I am just complaining a wee little bit and then I will get over it. Anyway that is all about the update. Oh I have taken up running. Ha ha. I will be doing my first 1/2 marathon This Valentine's Day here in Birmingham. More on that and my training later.