Sigh

January is not the most wonderful month of the year. It is cold and the days are short. The holidays are over and you are supposed to be making resolutions and bettering yourself. At work it is busier than normal and the days are long and dreary. My kids are constantly restless because they are cooped inside due to the weather. This January is a bit harder than normal because on top of all that we are dealing with my husband still being out of a job and keeping our kids in the house. This is not an ideal situation for my kids, my husband, or me... We all hate it.
I've got a bad case of the winter blues here and am struggling to stick with my diet plan. I don't know if I am even losing weight either. This is all so very frustrating. Life is really hard sometimes and I am ready for my break please. I am so ready for my husband to be working again and my kids back in school. Pre-school gave my kids something to do with a great routine and friends to play with. They were happy and played out. We got relaxed children who were content to be with us in the evenings and go to bed at a decent time. Now I have wild children who dare to try and stay up until the wee hours of the morning.
Chaos is running my household right now and I have had enough. I don't think I am going to be able to sleep anymore if I can't get my house looking organized and attractive. I need to do what it takes to be actively keeping my kids and house clean. I think I must be a lazy person to let things slide or just put it out of my mind all the time. Here is the thing. I am embarrassed by how my home looks and don't want my friends or family to see it. if that is not a sign that something needs to be done I don't know what is.
Life has a way of changing your plans too. I had planned to be getting pregnant this February with our third and final baby. I don't feel our family is quite complete and am so ready to have this last addition to our family. Now with my two sons going wild and my husband dealing with being unemployed... well you can see it is not an ideal time to think about adding to our family. Part of me wishes I could be like the Duggar family with the 19 children (not in the actual number of kids!) on how they simply trust in God to provide for each child and allowing nature to take its course on how many babies they have. Please note I think this idly and know that there is no way I would want to pregnant every year from now until menopause. That is a bit extreme.
I have one month to be ready for the 1/2 marathon and with my winter blues and everything else I have not had the energy to get back into the gym. I am a total slug currently and feeling it too. I have to get back into running and weight lifting! What is the point of dieting if I am out of shape. Pudgy never looks good at any weight. I need to be toned and in shape. Ugg. I really hate this time in my life and want to fast forward but really is there ever the simple times? I don't think so. Our brains are too complex to just sit back and relax and just let life happen.
Hmmm... Maybe that is what we are to do. Let it happen. Be happy with what you have and just allow the curve balls to keep flying by us. If we never really have control over what comes next what is the point in worrying about it and stressing over it? I can only adjust me not the circumstance I am in really.
Matt is home with the boys and I am at work. This is not going to change until Matt gets a job and there is nothing I can do to make this happen any faster than it is supposed to happen. I need to help my husband more and give him goals to work on with our boys and their development. If I work hard to help make organization happen and work hard to put the boys down at the right time every night I am teaching them structure and maybe giving Matt some relief that I did not realize I needed to do. Maybe changing my attitude can be the catalyst for my family's attitude for now. Nothing stays the same. We have to adjust and keep on and be happy all the same. Life is what it is... a gift.