I love long weekends. I have hopes to get some projects around the house done and do a bunch of family outings. Today we are heading to the McWane Center with my parents coming along. I really want them to see how much the boys enjoy it there. Mom and Dad gave us a year membership and it has been awesome. My parents live in the same town just down the road a bit. We still don't see them all that often. My parents are people with serious schedules. Mom is a teacher and has a million commitments and Daddy is a preacher with a church to tend to and he is also very involved in a children outreach program here in Alabaster. Needless to say they don't just pop in from time to time. At times it can hurt my feelings when I compare it to the way Matt's parents are always wanting to see the boys and keep them. Then I have to remember that my parents are very independent people and really just unique. They are also more on the side on introverted than extroverted so I don't get daily/weekly/monthly calls from them checking in with me. If I want to talk with them I have to call them. This is just who they are but at times in my life it has hurt my feelings. Not much you can do about it though. I have chosen to live close to them for this reason and I take my family to Daddy's church as well so that the boys are able to spend time regularly with them.
Monday I am having some friends over for a cookout and am really thrilled about it. Time to get as much hanging out with the gals and their guys before many of them move off to various places, mostly in Texas. What I have learned from them is that friends are important and you need to put yourself out there to make friendships even if you feel insecure. You know you need to push yourself sometimes in order to get what you want in life. These gals are beautiful smart women with such drive! I am so proud to call them friends and now that many are moving off I am just going to have to open up an account to put money in for the Bookies Adventures.
Sigh. It is storming outside and after two cups of coffee I am feeling the urge to curl up in bed once more. Bennett is on the couch watching Dinosaur Train while Cullen and Matt are still sleeping. Well after a morning at the McWane Center and then lunch I am sure the boys will be ready for a good nap and maybe I will be able to indulge in one with them. They have started a Sunday School class at Shiloh for the children and Matt and I are going to try to teach it I think.We have our two sons in it and it will help us become involved more. I want us to linked in and belong. I think we will go ahead and join the church sometime soon. I wonder what will happen once Daddy really does retire but I don't know when that will happen and if we find that once he leaves the church has lost its appeal well we will start looking elsewhere. For now it is a great church for us to go to where we feel welcome and not judged. That is important to me as we struggle these days to find our footing.
I am so lucky in so many areas. I have two beautiful boys who are smart and fun and just as sweet as can be. I have a husband that I have been with for 10 years now. I have a home that is really growing on me and it fits our family's needs perfectly. We found a church family to belong to and Cullen has settled in to his school, Bright Horizons. I have great friends and a good family. My job is fairly secure for now and the only thing I expect to happen is for me to start moving upward within the company. I am smart and hard working and that counts for something where I work. I have my 2 cute shih tzus and will probably allow them to start breeding this next year as well. If we make a profit off the sell of their puppies we will go ahead and buy another one. Just a small time breeding thing that maybe if Matt cannot find a job he can manage this and that can supplement our income with some other odds and ins. My hope is Matt goes back to school and finds something he is good at and gets a degree in and can enjoy working for the rest of his working years. If I had the time or money I would go back to school and get my law degree. I always wanted it but wanted a family first. Well now I have the family and all I want is to be able to support them without worry. I think I might study up on the LSAT and just take it and then just apply to Cumberland and see what happens. The worst case scenario is that I am not accepted and if that happens well I can finally scratch that off my daydream list.
Biggest daydream currently you might ask... To find a check for a million dollars in my mailbox from some sympathetic relative who is loaded (I don't have this relative but in a daydream does it really matter?) Do you know what I would do? I would simply pay off all our debt including our home. Make all necessary repairs to our home and cars and then put the remaining balance in an annuity. I would continue working and simply enjoy life within our means and never know debt again. That is my dream and even without a benevolent benefactor I am going to work hard to where that is the life I have. Tawanda.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
At the Age of 31
I am tickled because I have been around for 31 years and am just now figuring out a few things. Ok they are not life and death and I certainly lived quite well without these discoveries BUT I am none the less tickled pink to know them now. First off I have discovered my hair looks cute with its natural curl when I do not rinse out my conditioner. It is the only product that leaves my hair looking shiny and soft while still having my natural curl. How cool is that? I just took my hair dryer with the diffuser and dried it allowing my big loopy curls to stay and not be straightened. The conditioner is a perfect thing to keep the frizz at bay. My hair is fun today and that makes me happy. I am going to do this more often I think.
I learned this trick at the gym one morning while taking my shower. I did not have time to blow it out straight and had not brought any product for keeping it curly without the frizz. It worked great that day and now I have upped the notch by trying to blow it out keeping the curls using the same method of leaving in the conditioner. I hate when you use that stuff that keeps the curls but makes your hair stiff. Yuck. Not for me.
Okay the second thing I am so happy about is that while I am going through this period of financial something or another I have had to stop going to the salon to get my hair cut and colored. I am happy to announce I do a good haircut on myself which I never tried to do until recently. Apparently I have natural talent and maybe slaving at a 4 year college was not the right choice for me... Too late now that I have the degree and the job that has absolutely nothing to do with it. But I digress... I put in layers and trimmed the ends helping my hair look healthier and bouncier which is a good thing. The other issue was hair color.
If you've known me pre-babies at least you know that I have naturally black hair. I say this with the disclaimer that it has always been as dark as a Caucasians hair can be. In pictures growing up you can see blue highlights even and in the sun I also would have this blaze of auburn highlights too. I loved that fire underneath color in my hair. When I had to make the choice to start coloring it to cover up the grey hair the salon worked hard to mix the right colors to keep my hair from becoming one dimensional and flat black. I hate that more than anything else. Well jump up to when I could no longer fork over the $$$ to have my hair colored. I had to get my color from a box at the drug store. Oh the pity party I had!
If you too have to cover your grey hair I have found that the best product for me is Nice & Easy. This product leaves my hair feeling the best. I tried them all and I promise if you worry about the texture of your hair Nice & Easy leaves it feeling soft and silky when you used the conditioner that comes with the box. Love that stuff. Ok here is the issue. I don't like the natural black color because while it looks fine it is too solid and really still a shade darker than what I like. I tried the darkest brown and that was not dark enough. The woos! So I had this genius moment of thinking back to the day when my hair dresser did my hair. She did #2 with a shot of #3 of the Paul Mitchell hair color. Well I loved that stuff and the color always gave me just the right shade to keep me happy. I thought why not buy two boxes one of each shade and mix until you are happy with the result? Aha!
So I went with the dark brown and the put a squirt of the black in it and voila! my hair color woes were corrected. I have the dark hair but with multi-dimensional highlights that keep me feeling good. I seriously doubt that one person in the world other than me would EVER notice this but I feel so much better about the color I am doing on my roots. Oh and I am using a brush and bowl like the salon and I feel oh so nifty. The coverage is great and while I know that the ends are going to stay darker my hair will start looking more natural to my eyes over the next year as it grows and I cut and so on. It really is the little things in life that can make us happy!
I learned this trick at the gym one morning while taking my shower. I did not have time to blow it out straight and had not brought any product for keeping it curly without the frizz. It worked great that day and now I have upped the notch by trying to blow it out keeping the curls using the same method of leaving in the conditioner. I hate when you use that stuff that keeps the curls but makes your hair stiff. Yuck. Not for me.
Okay the second thing I am so happy about is that while I am going through this period of financial something or another I have had to stop going to the salon to get my hair cut and colored. I am happy to announce I do a good haircut on myself which I never tried to do until recently. Apparently I have natural talent and maybe slaving at a 4 year college was not the right choice for me... Too late now that I have the degree and the job that has absolutely nothing to do with it. But I digress... I put in layers and trimmed the ends helping my hair look healthier and bouncier which is a good thing. The other issue was hair color.
If you've known me pre-babies at least you know that I have naturally black hair. I say this with the disclaimer that it has always been as dark as a Caucasians hair can be. In pictures growing up you can see blue highlights even and in the sun I also would have this blaze of auburn highlights too. I loved that fire underneath color in my hair. When I had to make the choice to start coloring it to cover up the grey hair the salon worked hard to mix the right colors to keep my hair from becoming one dimensional and flat black. I hate that more than anything else. Well jump up to when I could no longer fork over the $$$ to have my hair colored. I had to get my color from a box at the drug store. Oh the pity party I had!
If you too have to cover your grey hair I have found that the best product for me is Nice & Easy. This product leaves my hair feeling the best. I tried them all and I promise if you worry about the texture of your hair Nice & Easy leaves it feeling soft and silky when you used the conditioner that comes with the box. Love that stuff. Ok here is the issue. I don't like the natural black color because while it looks fine it is too solid and really still a shade darker than what I like. I tried the darkest brown and that was not dark enough. The woos! So I had this genius moment of thinking back to the day when my hair dresser did my hair. She did #2 with a shot of #3 of the Paul Mitchell hair color. Well I loved that stuff and the color always gave me just the right shade to keep me happy. I thought why not buy two boxes one of each shade and mix until you are happy with the result? Aha!
So I went with the dark brown and the put a squirt of the black in it and voila! my hair color woes were corrected. I have the dark hair but with multi-dimensional highlights that keep me feeling good. I seriously doubt that one person in the world other than me would EVER notice this but I feel so much better about the color I am doing on my roots. Oh and I am using a brush and bowl like the salon and I feel oh so nifty. The coverage is great and while I know that the ends are going to stay darker my hair will start looking more natural to my eyes over the next year as it grows and I cut and so on. It really is the little things in life that can make us happy!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Cullen's New Do
Not the best picture but you can see the lack of hair. Cullen's pretty brown hair is nice and short for the fun summer ahead. I was having a hard time keeping his bangs trimmed and getting the sides of his head even as he is not a fan of hair cuts. So doing something shorter is way easier and he is getting to be a big boy! He loves it but the best thing about hair is that it grows so nothing done is ever permanent. : )
Boy do I love this little boy and his brother! They are at great ages and are so much fun to be with. So far we have not really come to a bad age with Cullen to be honest. Bennett gets better with age as he had a hard time that first year of life. Cullen is a little negotiator. If he is not pleased with the plans he gets his eyes really wide and gives you alternatives more to his liking. He closes his arguement by saying, deal? Ha ha. So funny.
Well bottom line is Cullen is a really good looking little boy with and without his pretty brown hair so I think we all will be okay with this new summer do. I know it will be way easier in the mornings for sure! No more bedhead to deal with. Hooray for summer fun!
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Happy Birthday Cullen!
The party(s) were great and the cupcakes and cake were good enough to eat! Cullen loves his new toys and can't wait for everyone to come over again today to celebrate his birthday one more time. Hee hee, he now thinks everyone gets a birthday weekend and not one day now. Today is Mother's Day and I bounced out of the bed this morning eager to sip on a cup of coffee, download and then upload the party photos and just enjoy the morning. So that is what I did. The boys are happily playing with the new toys and Matt is sleeping in. Last year I would be angry about that but this year I am with the ones that made me a Mommy so how is that not perfect? Got to run around and get ready for church now. All is well in the world of the Morrison Family. God has given me what I dreamed about my entire life, a family of my very own...
Friday, May 7, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Happy Cinco de Mayo!
My personal favorite margarita recipe is the following:
1/2 oz Grand Marnier
1/2 oz Cointreau
1 1/2 oz Tequila, pick your personal favorite
2 1/2 oz of Sweet and Sour Mix
1 oz Lime Juice
Prepare to relax and get silly. I say pick your favorite because I have had to do different types depending on my budget and don't really have a favorite I swear by. Now on a budget you can substitute the Grand Marnier with Grand Gala (cheaper) but note it has a lower alcohol % and won't kick you like the original will.
I found this recipe back in my days of staying home with the boys prior to moving back to Birmingham. Matt was out of town for a solid 3 months of the 5 month period I was out of work. I took to making these bad boys after the boys' bath time to unwind from full time mommy duty. Lovely relaxation. Those were the days. Running around and playing with the boys, doing home repairs and just being peaceful.I did not miss working one bit. I needed the break and loved being a full time mom. Now I love getting out of the house now and love my book club too. But at the time it was great to share some of the boys baby time at home.
9 years ago today Matt finally sucked it up and confessed that he was really and truly in love with me. We committed and have been together ever since. We'd known each other for just over a year when this finally happened and I was already his roommate too. We just took the long way around to making us a real couple and I am so glad that those days of being unsure and insecure are over.
Cullen is going to be four years old on Sunday, Mother's Day this year. How cool to have my oldest son's birthday fall like that. I cannot believe that this time four years ago I was waddling around my neighborhood trying to bring labor on. I even went to the point of taking nasty Castor oil. Lots of cramping and bathroom time, but no labor. Oh the joys of pregnancy and motherhood. I would do it again tomorrow! Obviously that won' t be necessary but still.
1/2 oz Grand Marnier
1/2 oz Cointreau
1 1/2 oz Tequila, pick your personal favorite
2 1/2 oz of Sweet and Sour Mix
1 oz Lime Juice
Prepare to relax and get silly. I say pick your favorite because I have had to do different types depending on my budget and don't really have a favorite I swear by. Now on a budget you can substitute the Grand Marnier with Grand Gala (cheaper) but note it has a lower alcohol % and won't kick you like the original will.
I found this recipe back in my days of staying home with the boys prior to moving back to Birmingham. Matt was out of town for a solid 3 months of the 5 month period I was out of work. I took to making these bad boys after the boys' bath time to unwind from full time mommy duty. Lovely relaxation. Those were the days. Running around and playing with the boys, doing home repairs and just being peaceful.I did not miss working one bit. I needed the break and loved being a full time mom. Now I love getting out of the house now and love my book club too. But at the time it was great to share some of the boys baby time at home.
9 years ago today Matt finally sucked it up and confessed that he was really and truly in love with me. We committed and have been together ever since. We'd known each other for just over a year when this finally happened and I was already his roommate too. We just took the long way around to making us a real couple and I am so glad that those days of being unsure and insecure are over.
Cullen is going to be four years old on Sunday, Mother's Day this year. How cool to have my oldest son's birthday fall like that. I cannot believe that this time four years ago I was waddling around my neighborhood trying to bring labor on. I even went to the point of taking nasty Castor oil. Lots of cramping and bathroom time, but no labor. Oh the joys of pregnancy and motherhood. I would do it again tomorrow! Obviously that won' t be necessary but still.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
May Days
It has threatened to storm all weekend here. The clouds are swirling in the sky with strong winds and just a heavy weight pressing down on us with all that pint up moisture waiting to rain down. Makes me feel restless. Bennett is sleeping in this morning probably because the sun is not shining into his bedroom like normal. Cullen is playing with his train set and an airplane. Me? I am just sitting here and contemplating the Gulf and how helpless I feel to help the situation in any way. It blows my mind that in the world of high technology something like this is happening. It seems there is no way to contain or stop the spilling of oil. The entire Gulf is in danger of losing whole eco-systems as well as economy. Can I say that we did not need this to happen right now? We did not. The news this morning spoke of the oil being taken with the Gulf Stream and hitting the tip of Florida and going beyond into the Atlantic. Do you think this will spur the movement on to get this thing contained? The government is listening to the oil company for how to handle the situation but that seems kind of backwards to me. Should we not have set some sort of guidance on what is acceptable in our territory? Ugg is all I have to say because again I feel overwhelmed by it all and am afraid I am going to lose my favorite place in the world to go.
Got to start getting ready for church with the boys and Matt. Church and then lunch with my parents and then Matt is taking the boys to Spain Park for some sort of thing with his parents. While they play I will lay an attack on our home to get it cleaned up and hopefully Matt can maintain it a bit better so that I am not running around all stressed out next weekend getting ready for our guests to Cullen's birthday party. He is turning 4 years old!!! Bennett is right behind him turning 3 years old in August. On a side note I started the bc pill this morning. Bottom line is I would freak out if I really got pregnant while Matt was still out of work. I hate this entire situation though. Just to be clear I am not a fan of a stay at home man. My house stays in a disaster mode because it is all he can do to maintain the mess and never to clean it. The sink is the refuge for his dirty dishes and the dishwasher remains loaded with clean dishes until I unload and reload it. Days, months, and almost a year of this now. Life is long and being miserable makes it seem like the time is standing still and that positive change will not happen.
Well I need to go to church and get some God. Maybe soak in more faith and strength from the one who created me.
Got to start getting ready for church with the boys and Matt. Church and then lunch with my parents and then Matt is taking the boys to Spain Park for some sort of thing with his parents. While they play I will lay an attack on our home to get it cleaned up and hopefully Matt can maintain it a bit better so that I am not running around all stressed out next weekend getting ready for our guests to Cullen's birthday party. He is turning 4 years old!!! Bennett is right behind him turning 3 years old in August. On a side note I started the bc pill this morning. Bottom line is I would freak out if I really got pregnant while Matt was still out of work. I hate this entire situation though. Just to be clear I am not a fan of a stay at home man. My house stays in a disaster mode because it is all he can do to maintain the mess and never to clean it. The sink is the refuge for his dirty dishes and the dishwasher remains loaded with clean dishes until I unload and reload it. Days, months, and almost a year of this now. Life is long and being miserable makes it seem like the time is standing still and that positive change will not happen.
Well I need to go to church and get some God. Maybe soak in more faith and strength from the one who created me.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
In Between
So after many discussions Matt and I decided to take the IUD out. First of all I was having not fun side effects from it and they were not getting better but worse with time. So Tuesday I had it removed. Do I want to get pregnant? Yes. Do I think now would be the right time? No. How can I responsibly try to get pregnant when Matt is still unemployed and we don't know when he will find a new job? If he was working we'd 100% be trying to conceive Baby III. Gosh I want this baby so badly. I dream of him or her and the longing in my heart is achingly strong. Weird to feel so strongly when I have two beautiful boys already but maybe that is why the feeling is so strong. I know exactly what I am wishing for now. I know the pros and cons and the joys of new life.
The questions now are if we are not going to actively try to conceive are we going to prevent and if so how? I am so sick of birth control methods that put hormones in my body. Makes me feel crazy and like I have no control over my body. I hate it. Matt is not a fan of taking charge of the birth control himself. That is how we got pregnant with Cullen. I was ready to be a mom and told Matt I was going to stop taking bc pills and if he was not ready then he needed to take other precautions. Three months later and we were pregnant with Cullen. The journey began and I loved every minute of it. Now Cullen is turning 4 on May 9th and Bennett will be 3 August 21st... I just see us being a large family full of love and chaos running around town to the kids events. It is the life I want. Money is not something I really care about outside of having enough to budget our life with but could we swing another? There is no way of knowing when Matt will get his job. Could we bet that he will be working by the time a due date arrived?
I am kind of afraid if I do nothing we will end up pregnant before I have figured out what I really want to do. Like get pregnant by default. Cullen came about by simply letting nature take its course and Bennett was created while I was taking the mini-pill and still nursing Cullen. Unless being in my 30's drastically alters my fertility we could get pregnant fairly easily once more. The other point to ponder (and I know this is probably so boring anyone who thought to read probably has stopped by this point) is what affects does Matt's blood pressure medication have on his fertility if any. I know certain medications can reduce sperm count. Don't know if his does but it could right?
The last reason why I hesitate to just throw caution to the wind is what will my parents say? Funny that here I am 31 years old and worried my parents will get mad at me for considering another child. They have made it clear that in their opinions two kids is totally enough for any family let alone us. They know I've always wanted three or four children and talk negatively about it. They are helping us with Cullen's tuition to preschool. Would they see it as a slap in the face to allow ourselves to get pregnant? I think so. But here is the thing of it all. I will forever regret not having more children if I do not. I don't know if I am able to have more and I don't know how long my time to be able to get pregnant will be. The women in my family tend to have female problems that cause them to stop being able to have babies in their mid-thirties. Basically in my mind I have around three years or so to try to get pregnant without complications arising. That is really not a long time when you have no idea how long it can take to conceive.
I should not care. I should just be happy and content with my two sons and my husband and just live my life. I wish I could let go of the desire to have another baby. I really do wish it was not so hard on my heart. It is hard though. Maybe I am simply selfish in my desires, I probably am, but they are real and tangible. I will probably just go ahead and start taking the pill on Sunday. If I can just wait until the fall then if I got pregnant I would not be due until Cullen was starting k5 and the whole 3 kids in daycare would not be an issue. I think that is the plan that maybe I can live with and my parents can deal with too. Matt loves me and wants more children too, obviously when we are both working this is a no brainer. So there you have it. We will wait a little longer and I will just have to have faith that in the end I do get to have another baby.
The questions now are if we are not going to actively try to conceive are we going to prevent and if so how? I am so sick of birth control methods that put hormones in my body. Makes me feel crazy and like I have no control over my body. I hate it. Matt is not a fan of taking charge of the birth control himself. That is how we got pregnant with Cullen. I was ready to be a mom and told Matt I was going to stop taking bc pills and if he was not ready then he needed to take other precautions. Three months later and we were pregnant with Cullen. The journey began and I loved every minute of it. Now Cullen is turning 4 on May 9th and Bennett will be 3 August 21st... I just see us being a large family full of love and chaos running around town to the kids events. It is the life I want. Money is not something I really care about outside of having enough to budget our life with but could we swing another? There is no way of knowing when Matt will get his job. Could we bet that he will be working by the time a due date arrived?
I am kind of afraid if I do nothing we will end up pregnant before I have figured out what I really want to do. Like get pregnant by default. Cullen came about by simply letting nature take its course and Bennett was created while I was taking the mini-pill and still nursing Cullen. Unless being in my 30's drastically alters my fertility we could get pregnant fairly easily once more. The other point to ponder (and I know this is probably so boring anyone who thought to read probably has stopped by this point) is what affects does Matt's blood pressure medication have on his fertility if any. I know certain medications can reduce sperm count. Don't know if his does but it could right?
The last reason why I hesitate to just throw caution to the wind is what will my parents say? Funny that here I am 31 years old and worried my parents will get mad at me for considering another child. They have made it clear that in their opinions two kids is totally enough for any family let alone us. They know I've always wanted three or four children and talk negatively about it. They are helping us with Cullen's tuition to preschool. Would they see it as a slap in the face to allow ourselves to get pregnant? I think so. But here is the thing of it all. I will forever regret not having more children if I do not. I don't know if I am able to have more and I don't know how long my time to be able to get pregnant will be. The women in my family tend to have female problems that cause them to stop being able to have babies in their mid-thirties. Basically in my mind I have around three years or so to try to get pregnant without complications arising. That is really not a long time when you have no idea how long it can take to conceive.
I should not care. I should just be happy and content with my two sons and my husband and just live my life. I wish I could let go of the desire to have another baby. I really do wish it was not so hard on my heart. It is hard though. Maybe I am simply selfish in my desires, I probably am, but they are real and tangible. I will probably just go ahead and start taking the pill on Sunday. If I can just wait until the fall then if I got pregnant I would not be due until Cullen was starting k5 and the whole 3 kids in daycare would not be an issue. I think that is the plan that maybe I can live with and my parents can deal with too. Matt loves me and wants more children too, obviously when we are both working this is a no brainer. So there you have it. We will wait a little longer and I will just have to have faith that in the end I do get to have another baby.
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